A free moment. I close my eyes and feel weight lift from my shoulders. It is a new year! Sitting down I chuckle. The words are zooming around in my mind, almost like children at recess, running this way and that. The excitement of purpose has them hopping, jumping and bouncing into each other, so excited to combine and create. Breathe in and breathe out. They begin to calm slightly and I can see it. Today they create celebration!
Colorful fireworks started painting the atmosphere long before I was even awake. The booms, pops and crackles were joined by music, the clink of ice cubes, tinny noise makers and obnoxious blow outs. Conversations and laughter added to the audible rhythm while wild hats and glasses, festive clothing, bright lights and the promise of a clean slate, visible on faces added to the visual rhythm. Everything joined together to create excitement and anticipation. The entire world was celebrating!! Lying in bed I could sense the electricity in the air and feel the earth quiver. There was a sense of knowledge and understanding, as if our planet understood the power and significance this day and night held for it's human inhabitants.
The morning begins with us enduring subzero temperatures again. It is enticing for everyone to enjoy the warm cocoon of the house and not venture into the icy outside realm. Ultimately I ended up in my office knee deep in finishing out a critical month and the calendar year end. The heater kicked on, the fan whirring rather noisily in the background. Piles of paper were being attacked with absolutely no mercy. Numbers were being added and inputted. Boxes were being counted as emails and texts were being sent. My ADHD had me hopping from one project to another with extreme purpose.
It was cozy and monotonous, filled with a very sad sense of satisfaction. I was in my groove and ready to be caught up and finished with this aspect of the year. The canned lights shown brightly on the cherry wood of my desk and the sounds of laughter and TV drifted from the rec room through the French doors into my office. The boys were having a blast and I smiled at the contented feeling. This would work for the last night of the year; sort, file, add, input, verify, check the website, laughter, heater, repeat. The rhythm was soothing albeit a little boring. The football games would be on, the boys would play some games, I would work and play and then about 11:30 we would watch the countdown, Not ideal, put perfectly suited for 20 degrees below zero, torn ratty jeans, mountains of paperwork and a warm cozy office. It was all very measured, safe and vanilla.
The monotony was broken as Jim's phone rang. I knew who it was and what it was about even before he answered; the latest assault by friends to coerce us into a house hopping New Year's Eve party in their neighborhood. The day had progressed with phone calls and texts from these good friends; some nice and some not so nice, badgering us to attend. I ducked behind my computer pretending I couldn't hear this half of the conversation. The discussion that would ensue after the call would be completely unproductive!
"What do you think?"
"I don't care, what do you think?"
"Really it doesn't matter to me. I just don't want to make a decision."
"Well it doesn't matter to me either."
And then silence until the next call or text arrives. Tonight I don't want to interrupt my rhythm nor do I want to make a decision. I have to work. I have a critical month to finish and it is fricking cold outside! It is so important to get everything finished tonight!! Now with the truth of technology, if I can track the New Year celebration in Dubai on my phone, there really shouldn't be a problem finishing my work on my phone while house hopping, but truly beside the point.
I slink further down in my chair, literally hiding behind my computer screen as the conversation ends.
"He is going to call you."
"Well I am not answering the phone."
Katy Perry begins to sing as my phone goes off.
"I've got the eye of the tiger. . . "
I am not answering it.
"A fighter, dancing through the fire . . . "
Seriously not answering.
"You're going to hear me. . . "
Dang it, I cave, "Hey, what's up"
"Hey SB, I am getting no where with Jim. You need to at least come over for a bowl of tortilla soup and a drink. It is New Years Eve."
"I am working, year end, critical month, blah, blah, blah, blah. It would be great to see you! Will see what we can do."
Secretly I am thinking, it's not happening brother! So then the conversation sours, in a way that can only happen with good friends.
"Come on, get your 'tailfeathers' over here. You aren't coming. I know it you are such a 'pain.'
OK, Lee I will see what I can do."
"SB you have to let me know. Call me."
"OK, sure."
Obviously the language was a bit more colorful and reality is I have no intention of leaving the house. I do not want anybody messing with my mojo tonight. I am happy and content. Unfortunately, though, the discussion begins again. We go back and forth and it is clear that Jim wouldn't mind heading over, whereas I DON'T want to leave the house. It gets quiet and I focus on work again.
"What do you think?"
"Seriously, I don't want to make a decision. (heavy sigh). If you want to go, fine, we can go."
So much can be relayed with a few simple words and to my delight silence reigns once again. My swish, clack, scroll, whirr continue. Ha - set now.
"Are you sure you don't want to go over there? We could just grab one drink."
"Oh jeez .FINE. When?"
"How about now?"
Smile plastered, "Sure, sounds great."
Let me change out of my comfortable jeans, interrupt my important work so we can have a drink. If men only knew what those plastered smiles meant. Ha!! Obviously I was not feeling with a grateful heart, more with a snarky heart!! I trudge up the stairs, torn, comfortable jeans swishing on the carpet, dragging my feet, using every ounce of body language to roar my displeasure, all while mumbling under my breath. I was channeling a teenager at this point, in fact working on an academy award nomination for best petulant teenager in a New Year's Eve drama.
"I will go change and get presentable."
Of course, this simple sentence oozed with snarkiness. The beauty of being married as long as we have, though, is he just smiles. He knows I am a pain. Honestly it should be fun and I begin to feel better as I chuck my ratty jeans and make myself somewhat presentable. But, the fear of losing my award nomination encourages me not to give too much away. Hugging the boys we let them know we won't be gone too long.
Stepping outside transports us to an entirely different world. I take a deep breath and look around. Jack Frost is perched on my roof, legs dangling over the eaves. With an impish grin he shoots a few ice darts at my cheeks and soars off. Heading down the street he blasts freezing air, flocking plants and trees. Holy buckets it is cold. The air is crystal and everything around is beautiful in sharp relief. Turning on the Christmas lights, the fan of the inflatables interrupts the quiet of the night. Reluctantly I smile as the warm glow shines through the darkness. Up and down the street our lights join others as we celebrate the New Year. I feel the Earth pulse as it too continues to celebrate!! The stars are sharp bursts cutting through the veil of the night sky. Crystals sparkle on the snow, winking as I walk toward the car. It is breath taking! I stop, breathe in and breathe out, appreciating the raw beauty with every one of the five senses. I would have missed this.
The car is frigid. The leather seats are freezing and seem almost breakable. Thankfully the drive is short and we reach our friends house in just a couple of minutes. Insecurities run through my mind; block party, we don't live in this neighborhood, we don't have any food or drink to share and I don't know many of these people well. All are absolutely ridiculous thoughts, but I still feel the need to perfect the sulky teenage attitude. The car turns off and Jim gets out. I stay sitting in the car hand grasping the door handle like a lifeline. He looks back, opens the door again and just laughs.
"We haven't gone in yet."
I give a half smile, open the door, and tell myself it will be fine. The light through the front door is warm and speaks quietly of invitation. Crossing the threshold I can't help but smile. The comfort and welcome of a friend's home transcends any disquiet. Shoes and boots are scattered around the door, coats are piled high, and the muted voices reach my ears. Taking my time removing my coat and boots, I wonder if I am delaying the inevitable or just taking time to experience the atmosphere. With no other reason to stall I walk into the kitchen and smile. Everyone is milling around chatting, laughing and telling stories. The tangy spice of tortilla soup tempts the palette; Bud Light Lime, red solo cups and crystal goblets are scattered over the granite, comfortable in the presence of tortilla chips and soup bowls. The contrast of colors, scents and sounds creates a lively and full canvas. I would have missed this.
Immediately hugs and sweet words of welcome immerse me into the picture. I hug my good friends, smile and say hello to those I kind of know . The lull in chatter caused by our arrival quickly picks back up. The kitchen surges with comradery and celebration. In between listening, smiling, chatting and experiencing I begin to reflect. Life is so precious. We hear that so often, but it is so incredibly precious. The celebration of a new year is the perfect opportunity to not just give lip service to the preciousness of life, but to actually do something about it! Part of the life journey is the chance to kiss the bad of the previous year goodbye and to store the good away for a rainy day. Let's be honest, we all know the final destination. We truly do. It doesn't matter who you are, we all end at the same destination. Some arrive way too early, some think not early enough, but we all get there. What does matter, though, is what the journey looks like. Everyone's journey is completely different. Some choose a very vanilla, well manicured road, never veering off the pavement and following all street signs. This path makes it easy to engage cruise control, go through the motions and arrive with minimal disruption. Others choose to explore the wild and off-road a bit. Personally I have a thing for 4-wheel drives and traveling a rutted, wild road! Throw the hubs in, give her hell and let's see how far we get. But tonight I was thinking well manicured. Boring! It works for some, but really I want mud, wilderness and experiences! Not that a few drinks at friends' homes is wilderness, but a little more than sort, file and add.
It wasn't long and the gatekeeper was rounding everyone up for the next house. Teenage awkwardness began to creep in so of course I hemmed and hawed. The next house happened to be another good set of friends so they cut through the garbage and just informed us we were going. Party crashing here we come. Piling into the suburban, we all work on perfecting the Captain Obvious role with comments of, "It is so fricking cold." My heart sings as I enjoy our friends, the casual ease of being together, laughter, smart comments and memories created through the years.
White Christmas lights welcome us as we turn into the cul-de-sac. The warmth of the house surrounds us as we once again shed outer layers and shoes. Comfortable with the surroundings, having spent many nights playing poker here, we head to the basement. Christmas decorations add to the festivity and I am talked into a bright red, fun looking drink. I breathe in and breathe out, celebrating the experience.
Conversations resume over crunching crackers, crab cakes and other yummy food. We laugh, share drinks and I get to know people a little better. Through the music of tonight's celebration, I realize this is what it should be. My journey needs to be filled with fun, laughter, experience and the creation of memories. I don't want my canvas to be simple or my music to be bland. The brilliance of multiple colors and sound should fill my life. Sometimes those colors might resemble the talent, beauty and genius of the Sistine Chapel and at other times the sound might resemble a three year old on a kazoo. Either way life should be experienced moving forward and not regretted looking backward!
Everyone continues to check on kiddos, texting or calling. I worry a little about not being home with the boys and text often. They are enjoying their time together, eating snacks, playing games and seem a bit tired of my texts. I explain we might be longer and ask my youngest if he wants us home to ring in the new year with them. His response makes me snort, "be out as long as you feel fit." Mom's laugh as I share it and it begins funny stories about our kids. I realize that my boys are enjoying their time together as much as we are enjoying our night out.
The football games are on at every house as discussions of the season, continued talk of kids, activities, homes and jobs buzz in the background. It is fun to reconnect and realize how intertwined many of us are. We continue celebrating, now just walking from home to home, enjoying the festive way everyone celebrates the season; themed Christmas trees, outdoor lights, decorations given as gifts, and homemade ornaments. Stepping outside we link arms to keep from slipping and biting it. We carry glasses or red solo cups full of various celebratory concoctions. Shuffling along we smile at the shadows of other revelers in windows and the muted sounds of voices and music.
Each new house presents a variety of tastes and fun in presentation. Slightly off-key comments are thrown around as everyone relaxes in kitchens, perched on countertops, leaning on tables and sitting in stools. The circle of companionship is broken as one of us leaves early. As we are all safely ringing in the New Year, he leaves the fun to put on a uniform and ensure that everyone else celebrating remains safe. Calls of Happy New Year and stop back by ring through the house. In the midst of the frivolity and celebration I find myself once again reflecting on the preciousness of life and the beauty of a new year. Some people say a new year is just another day in a perpetual cycle, but I love the thought and image of clearing everything out! We are blessed with a fresh, new day every morning when we wake up, but it seems much easier to celebrate that newness by taking a calendar off the wall and replacing it with a new one. A new calendar is empty, clean and clear of thoughts, past mistakes and disappointments, ready for whatever journey I choose to take.
I relax more with each home and am able to work surreptitiously on my phone finishing up the end of the month and calendar year. I truly experience the celebration; celebration of life and the ability to share this night with new and old friend; celebration of great conversations, football, fine food, yummy drinks, and the creativity and time of other people; celebration of experiencing rather than just existing. The countdown continues and finally we are at the final 10 seconds. Bubbly is passed around and at the final stroke, the clink of classes rings through the air. Happy New Year. Kisses and hugs, smiles and promises and hope for a fabulous 2015. Ice cubes rattling around the sides of glasses, the crunch of chips and veggies, the sweetness of fondue and the sounds of music and singing fill every sense. It is truly a wonderful journey and I would have missed this.
We stay for a bit longer and then begin our goodbyes. There are hugs and thanks as we slip quietly to the front door. Bundling up, we head back out into the subzero weather to see what this hemisphere looks like in the new year. Jack Frost has been waiting and delights in sending his frosty air to tug at our coats and hats. The stars twinkle and blink their excitement and the earth sighs contentedly. Our breath solidifies and cold air sneaks into our lungs. It is cold, but almost refreshing. We walk down the street toward our car. The roads are still slick, but with my arm linked through his, we make it to the suburban without mishap. I climb in and freeze as I sit back into the leather chair. Not much is said and we quietly make our way back to the house. The lights from our house are a welcome sight! I can't help but laugh as I take a good look at our inflatables. It seems they too were celebrating the new year. The robot and penguin were face first in the snow. The snowman was leaning backward and Santa's frontend loader looked a little crumpled on one side, with the reindeer leaning out the back face up to the stars. It was a wonderful night. Celebration still fills the air. I can get technical about calendars and the actual new year, but it doesn't matter. It is a fresh start and we are beginning the year by breaking in those off road tires. As we head in, I glance around one more time. I could have missed all of this and am thankful I did not.
It is true that we all know the final destination, but what will that journey hold? The most beautiful thing is there is no need to wait until a new year. It is wondrous and fabulous to begin with a new thought, but you don't have to wait for a new year, especially if you missed it You can begin tomorrow. You can choose the path that will make you happiest. My path begins and ends with an amazing journey and the beauty and power of words strung together!!
Blessings for a bright and beautiful new year!
