To Run

Stepping onto the front porch, I paused to absorb the pre-dawn, hoping this run would be better than the last few weeks worth. The struggle has been intense. My runs have been slow, my pace has been off and my body has felt disjointed. Discipline was the only thing pushing me when nothing else could.

The morning air was chillier than usual, a sign that summer was on the decline. Realizing days running in shorts and a jog bra were numbered, I was thankful to have pushed myself out of bed. Soon enough I would be back in winter gear.

The moon was fat and orange, hanging lazily in the dark sky. Although nearly full, it seemed muted with the orange absorbing the usual shine. Stars were patchy, peaking through leftover storm clouds and the roads were still wet from the night rain. Inky puddles filled every depression in the road. It was quieter than usual without the normal headlights or taillights. Intermittent street lights and periodic porch lights braved the dark. It was a glorious morning and I was thankful I chose to run.

My legs picked up their rhythm early and the music laced through my veins. Tuning into the soothing cadence I thought about what it meant to run. Over the last five years life has changed dramatically; my career, the growth and maturity of my children, family and friends. In that same time my relationship with running has evolved and with it I have learned many personal lessons and realized the truth in what it means to run?

To run means; understanding aches, pains and injuries. Learning to push through when necessary and taking time to let injuries heal. Listening to my body and knowing when to rest and when to overcome lack of desire.

To run means; learning the physical capabilities of my body. Recognizing perceived limitations and digging deep to push past them. Understanding my body is more powerful than I could have imagined and having the courage to embrace the strength.

To run means; taking responsibillity for my choices and not making excuses. It is never easy to wake up before the day stirs, sometimes with little to no sleep, to workout and run. Each day I choose to work toward a better me, knowing I am the only person that controls my decisions. I take personal responsibility  for my actions. When I don't train it reflects in my races, in how I feel about myself, my temperament and my energy level. When I train my race times are better and my entire being is much happier. It is empowering to take responsibility and not make excuses.

To run means; learning who I truly am without outside static. Running solo with very few distractions gives me time to get better aquainted with myself. My thoughts circle around strengths, weaknesses and how to embrace both. By strengthening my body, I strengthen my spirit and become happier with the person I see every day.  Solitary runs have made me comfortable with being alone and learning my power and purpose are found internally and not externally.

To run means;  learning to choose happiness. True joy is available to everyone, everyday; we choose to embrace it or deny it. The center gained from running has taught me that I choose to be happy or unhappy, positive or negative, view the glass half full or half empty. Life is not fair and we will always face obstacles, even life altering trauma, but we have the choice to react and blame or deal and learn.  I choose which thoughts run through my brain, not only during the run but after. If I am unhappy, it is because I have chosen to be unhappy, by focusing on negative thoughts and choosing to be around negative people. I have learned how important it is to determine who I want in my circle of influence. Who are the people who are empowered and strong? Who are the people working toward being better than they were the day before? Who are the people who choose not to live in a victim mentality day after day? Who are the people who will challenge me to be better? By choosing positive thoughts, being grateful daily and being around other positive people I can amplify my joy and encourage others to choose happiness. 

To run means; my day begins in peaceful compansionship with God. I appreciate his blessings and his works with every step, every breath and every thought. I see the raw beauty of my town set against an endless dark sky. I appreciate the beauty of a falling star or a burning meteor, the intricacy of a snowflake or the diamond twinkle of a raindrop.

To run means; sharing my morning with moments that are lost when the town wakes up; seeing mountain lions, raccoons, deer, antelope, foxes. Experiencing the beautiful rhythm of silence, making the first tracks in falling snow and enjoying running down the middle of an empty street.

To run means; gaining confidence I have never felt before. Confidence to know if I can mentally and physically knock out 27 miles in one run alone, I can conquer anything in my path.

To run means; learning the value and importance of tracking and goals. Watching trends in training and striving to make myself stronger and better each day. As each goal is reached it builds more confidence and feeds a positive, full heart. Setting a new goal brings excitement and joy.

To run means; knowing and understanding there will be good runs and bad runs. Each run will bring a lesson and be an integral part of the journey. It means understanding that not every day is going to be graced with unicorns, rainbows and lollipops and still choosing to persevere.

To run means; an appreciation of time. Time slows when I hit the streets. There are no distractions, no expectations just the music, the road and the run. I have learned to appreciate the importance of 1/10th of a second and to not take time for granted. We are given 86,400 seconds every single day and each second is a beautiful gift.

To run means; being in-tune with the world around me. Being watchful of a shadow within a shadow, the subtle difference of flower scents, changes in how the seasons look and smell. I have learned to be a better observer and listener and to appreciate changes that seem time-lapsed when I run my routes. 

To run means; creating a family that spans far and wide. Runners all over the world understand the time, the commitment, and the strength it takes to get up and get out every day. Runners ignore differences and celebrate every runner, regardless of size, shape and mile time.

My lungs labor as I finish my run. Thankfully it was a better run, still not the best, but better. Glancing around I realize, to run is to breathe, love, laugh, cry and celebrate. To run is to be thankful and blessed.

Run or not to run? Always to run.