The Atlantic

She draws me in and speaks to my soul. There is a connection I never knew existed. Sitting beside her, I pause and breathe in, closing my eyes I bask in the sun as her warmth kisses my cheeks. It has been an adventure. I have felt exhausted, exposed and at peace all at the same time. Listening to the beautiful Atlantic, watching the sand roll in and out, I allow her song to soothe me and am thankful for these moments. The clouds majestically bank in three directions and the sun shines through. The music of the waves gives voice to the strong rhythm of a woman on a mission. Every day she moves, one moment calm and soothing with the undulating quiet of rolling wave after wave and the next churned up, dirty and angry. Within her are thousands of lives; they depend on her, believe in her and are thankful for what she brings. 

Regardless of what storms come, the beautiful mother ocean will continue. I stood in her small waves, being respectful of the big waves full of strength, power, and determination, and wonder if I have that in me. Do I have the power of the ocean? Does she share her power as she caresses my toes? Does she share with me the strength of the life she supports? For the first time in ages I feel calm and at peace. I realize I missed and needed the Atlantic when I hadn’t even met her. I needed the music and beauty, the ever changing canvas on the horizon, moment after moment of waves. 

Her life force moves in first one direction and then next. Watching her I feel, deep in my heart, the constant motion, not content to be still, not content to simply watch, but to move, wave after wave every second. Pipers, on spindly legs, play tag with the waves, finding life within the foam. She shares the water and then draws it back as they burrow their beaks in the sand capturing food. Pelicans ride the gusts, soaring into the grey sky and then dipping down to tickle the waves. Seemingly with ease they feed from the Atlantic plucking fish from the constant motion. From darkest depths to the white capped waves it is a circle, life never more present than this single moment. Even when the beach is quiet and night shrouds her beauty she moves restlessly, calling, soothing, challenging. I want to share her energy and strength, the love she carries deep within in her soul. 

The Atlantic has no favorites in the world she forges. She provides for all as they need, encouraging and pushing for them to rise up and fight for what they want. Life is not easy and is full of challenges within the Mother Ocean. Shell after shell drifts in, exoskeletons of tiny squid and crabs all become part of the sand, evidence of life that didn’t survive. The skimming of a dolphin, the graceful soaring of a fish and the tiny burrowing of a crustacean are beautiful examples of those that have survived. A squadron of pelicans in a perfect V formation flew over, headed who knows where. The silhouettes beautiful and precise against the backdrop of the sky. A solo bird trails further behind, trying to catch up or maybe flying to his own rhythm. 

My time here has been precious but difficult, unpacking things buried deeper than the depths of the Atlantic.  With each thought, memory and experience I realize there are some I need to keep and some I need to let go. I release those that have shaped me, but no longer serve a purpose, acknowledging the part they played in my life. I am thankful for the time to reflect and be me, understanding I don’t need to hang on to everything. The Atlantic doesn’t keep every shell within her depths. When they have served their purpose she discards them on the beach and continues to move on. I realize those things I have unpacked are the same way. They will always be part of me, but they do not need to control me. 

For the first time in forever I release fear based patterns and think about not trying to fit everyone else's expectations. Nobody expects a pelican to climb a tree, a bear to soar in the heavens or the Atlantic to stop her music. I am thankful for these moments of discovery, to dance with the waves and share in this circle. The moments on this beautiful sand, wanting to capture every shell, feel every tiny grain of sand that at one moment could have been at the bottom of the ocean and is now stuck between my toes. My time with the Mother Ocean has helped me know I am not a mistake nor am I a burden. I have purpose and a place. As I sink my hand into her warm waves, running wet sand through my fingers I finally give myself permission to be unapologetically me.

I have to say a big thank you to my beautiful friend Angie Krey who captured stunning images during my time, to Mel Charbonneau for challenging me to find the best version of myself and to the amazing Jen Patterson for opening her heart and home to me! 

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